


The Broken Loop

by WuHanwoo



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Gen, Han Jisung | Han-centric, Hurt/Comfort, Lonely Han Jisung | Han, Overworking, Sad Han Jisung | Han, Sickfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-07
Updated: 2020-07-29
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:41:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24589255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WuHanwoo/pseuds/WuHanwoo
Summary: Jisung feels left out. The hyungs and the other members seems to forget that he is a part of the maknae line. They don't treat him the way they treat the maknaes. Jisung is stuck in a vague line in between the maknae and hyung line, because of this, they forget to ask and check up on his well-being.So what'll happen once Jisung doesn't bother to tell them he doesn't feel too good during the entirety of their concert.[Requested By sungshine19]
Relationships: Bang Chan/Han Jisung | Han, Han Jisung | Han/Everyone, Han Jisung | Han/Hwang Hyunjin, Han Jisung | Han/Kim Seungmin, Han Jisung | Han/Lee Felix, Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know, Han Jisung | Han/Seo Changbin, Han Jisung | Han/Yang Jeongin | I.N
Comments: 60
Kudos: 774





	1. We Should've

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sungshine19](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sungshine19/gifts).



And it repeated itself in a loop.

The way no one asked if Jisung was fine. The way no one checked up on him if he was okay. The way no one spared him a second look. Jisung was observant, and in this case, too observant that it hurt.

Like when he accidentally lost his balance when he jumped over Hyunjin for their Hellevator dance practice, he had turned his head around to see half the members worrying for Hyunjin and the other half scolding Jisung for being so careless. No one asked if he was okay, no one worried for him. So, he let the pain in his shoulder that caught him during the fall to settle by itself in silence.

The only thing they got out of Jisung was apologies, the things Hyunjin got out of that was care, love, worry.

Or when Jisung was messing around with the maknae line in the van and were getting pretty noisy. The hyung line who were trying to rest had snapped at him. They snapped at him, instead of them. He snapped at Jisung, not the maknae line. They snapped at Jisung, the forgotten one of the maknae line. A clear 5 months in between Hyunjin and Jisung’s birth month, but no one paid attention to that fact.

Maybe it was because he was the second after Chan to enter the company. Maybe it was because he was in 3RACHA. Maybe it was because his lyrics was much more mature than he behaved. No one would know, not even Jisung himself.

It has been 3 years since Stray Kids debuted. To Jisung, it’s just another way to tell him how much has changed. Initially they still asked Jisung of his well-being. But as more time passed, Jisung noticed the lack of care, lack of love, lack of worry, and lack of concern for him.

Or the time the members looked around his and Jeongin’s room, only to blame Jisung of his untidiness and the other members to laugh it off. Maybe it was Jisung’s fault too, for laughing it off himself, not commenting further of how the room was perfectly split in the middle so you could tell it was equally messy on both sides. But he wouldn’t say anything about it because he knew no one would care.

Or the time they played Who’s Who on Buzzfeed Celeb. The question asked was “Who’s most likely to brighten your day?” and Jeongin had chosen Jisung. Deep inside Jisung was happy over the tops and decided to ask “Why?” only to have Chan say, “No one cares.” jokingly. Maybe it was just a joke he would have normally understood. Maybe it was a joke his motto ‘This too shall pass’ was supposed to show itself to. But, Jisung still died a little inside.

Jisung spent countless night thinking about what made him so different from the rest of the maknae line, or what made him look like he was part of the hyung line. He wondered hard as his days went by. Not one moment spent awake was without him thinking about how no one noticed, how no one cared, how different he was treated from the rest of the maknae line.

Maybe it was because he was thinking too much, he tried to convince himself so. But he knew, no matter much he tried to convince himself, he knew he was forgotten. In fact, he had realized that for a long while, he just hadn’t come to terms with it. He couldn’t acknowledge it and he didn’t want to.

Then he realized, how the hyung line took care of each other, how the maknae line took care of each other, how they all took care of each other as he stood alone as a vague line he didn’t know he belonged to. He was in the maknae line, but they couldn’t see it. He was treated like hyung line, but he couldn’t feel it. Maybe it was just him, that no one cared about.

Then Jisung made the worst decision. He acknowledged the fact no one asked him if he was fine, he acknowledged the fact he was a forgotten maknae line. But the mistake he made was engraving in his mind his thought of no one caring if he was gone.

The second mistake he made was not telling any of the members that he wasn’t feeling well on their concert day. At one glance, you’d think the members just didn’t care about him and couldn’t tell anything was wrong. But when you looked closer, you couldn’t tell anything was off about Jisung, he was hiding it so well, concealing every hint to tell anyone he wasn’t feeling too good.

That by itself was an understatement, he felt awful, almost like he was about to pass out any moment. His heart pounded painfully against his chest, but he brushed that off his mind, convincing himself it was caused by the intense dances during the concert stage.

The concert ended well, and the members returned backstage to rest up before heading back to their dorm.

Jisung noticed how Hyunjin’s voice sounded different that day, a little hoarser than it usually was. Hyunjin hadn’t complained about having a sore throat to anyone but it seemed only Jisung noticed. Jisung walked over to Hyunjin, ignoring the pain that was spread throughout his body when he did. Jisung looked around and made sure none of the other members were at earshot in case Hyunjin didn’t want his throat condition to be known before Jisung nudged him and passed him a bottle.

“Jinnie, drink more water.”

“W-What?”

“Your throat…I noticed, but don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone if you don’t want me to.”

“O-Oh, I erm…yeah thanks…”

Hyunjin took the bottle from me and gulped down half the bottle in one shot. Jisung lightly laughed at the sight. As Hyunjin capped the bottle, Jisung started to feel a little lightheaded and stumbled backwards. Hyunjin noticed, sliding the bottle onto the table and hooked his arm behind Jisung’s back.

“Hey, are you okay? Jisung, you don’t look too good.” Hyunjin said as he inspected Jisung’s expression closer.

“…’m fine…” Jisung mumbled, trying to force his eyes to focus on Hyunjin.

Hyunjin took the sign and quickly hugged Jisung with both his arms firmly. Jisung’s body slumped and relaxed against Hyunjin’s, passing out in the other boy’s arms.

“J-Jisung?” Hyunjin’s voice quivered and he tapped Jisung’s back.

Jisung didn’t say a word, didn’t move an inch, he didn’t even twitch. Hyunjin was freaking out, tears forming in his eyes. He looked around for whichever member he could spot first. On the sofa in his sight was Minho. The older boy was looking at something on his phone with his airpods in his ears. Hyunjin’s throat hurt, but his heart will hurt more if he didn’t get Minho over to help any time soon.

“Hyung! Minho hyung!” Hyunjin shouted then swallowed painfully.

Minho took off his airpods and looked around for the owner of the voice, making eye contact with Hyunjin. Minho saw how tightly Hyunjin was holding onto Jisung, Hyunjin’s expression scaring Minho ever further. He dumped his phone aside and ran over to them.

“What happened?” Minho asked as he held Jisung’s underarms and slowly moved him to the sofa, his arms hooked around the unconscious boy’s chest.

“I-I don’t know, he stumbled a bit…then I caught him…then he just went l-limp…”

“Hmm…I’ll keep an eye on him, go call Chan hyung over.” Minho said and Hyunjin ran off to another section of the backstage area.

Minho laid Jisung down on the sofa and tried to wake him, calling his name, shaking him, but Jisung never budged. The only thing that was reassuring Minho in that moment was the fact Jisung was still breathing. He took a handheld fan and cooled Jisung’s head.

Hyunjin came back with Chan and their leader almost immediately lost it the moment his eyes laid upon Jisung’s unconscious body.

“I’ll get the van. Hyunjin, go gather the guys. Minho, bring Jisung over, and keep him safe.” Chan instructed before running off.

Hyunjin ran off to gather the other members and hurry them to keep their things while Minho picked Jisung up again, this time carrying him. He grabbed his phone and checked the surroundings for their belongings, not finding them in sight. Minho walked off to where the other members were and found his and Jisung’s bag, laying side by side. By the time he picked it up, he finally noticed the expression that the other members apart from Hyunjin were making.

Changbin’s expression held pure regret, for the fact he didn’t check up on Jisung.

Felix’s expression held worry, wanting to know why Jisung was limp in Minho’s arms, his own hanging freely behind the older boy’s back.

Seungmin’s expression held concern, not knowing if Jisung was or was going to be okay.

Jeongin’s expression was unexplainable by words, his tears pouring out at the sight of his roommate hyung.

“Let’s go.” Minho said and the other boys tagged along with their belongings that they aggressively shoved into their bags.

The met up with Chan at the closest exit to the carpark and boarded the van. The ride was quiet, to say the least. Everyone in it was tense, other than Jisung.

Minho held Jisung close to him, linking his seatbelt over the both of them while still cradling Jisung. He silently cried and he caressed Jisung’s head, his fingers feeling the younger boy’s soft hair. Whispering his apologies, he rested his cheek on Jisung’s head.

“I should’ve kept him safe…I should’ve at least asked…I should’ve at least check up on him…”

Those were the thoughts held by all the members.

Those were their regrets.


	2. The Loop Has Been Broken

In one moment, Jisung remembers Hyunjin’s worried expression. In the next, he was surrounded by darkness. No matter which direction he turned, he could only see the silent abyss staring back at him. This wasn’t a familiar sight for Jisung, yet it wasn’t a stranger to him either.

There was just that many times that Jisung kept himself together enough before passing out on his bed with sleep as a disguise. As much as Jisung’s body relented this situation, his mind repeated everything in a constant loop. To Jisung, it wasn’t a choice but rather, a routine.

But this time, the darkness was different. It was always blank and cold before. However, this time within the darkness, he didn’t feel cold. Jisung felt blanketed by an unknown source of warmth. It was unfamiliar, but it didn’t scare him. The presence of the warmth calmed him, making the darkness not as scary as it used to be. For some reason, he knew he wasn’t alone.

..-. .- -- .. .-.. -.-- / --- ..-. / -... .-. --- - .... . .-. ...

Stray Kids scattered about in Jisung’s private ward. Their eldest, Chan stood at the end of Jisung’s bed, watching him for every breath he took. The one who cradled Jisung for the entire journey, Minho, laid his head on Jisung’s right side, not releasing the grip on his hand. The one still lost in his mind of regret, Changbin, sat next to Minho, and laid his head down beside Jisung’s leg.

Hyunjin sat in the corner of the room furthest from Jisung, the sensation of Jisung’s limp body fresh on his hands, accompanied by the stinging pain of his throat. Felix was next to him with his head laid on Hyunjin’s shoulder, but his eyes watching Jisung from the side. Seungmin sat at the opposite side of the bed from where Changbin was, watching Jisung the way Chan was. And their youngest, Jeongin, had his position mirroring Minho, the only difference being that his tears hadn’t stopped ever since he saw Jisung on the bed.

Overworking, it was the cause of Jisung passing out.

Jeongin remembered constantly sleeping in an empty room, never having seen Jisung once on his bed. Either he slept within the hours of Jeongin being asleep or he just didn’t sleep at all. Jeongin lost himself in the assumptions, none of which were good. He interlocked his fingers with Jisung’s and fell asleep as his tears fell onto Jisung’s bed.

Seungmin regretted never expressing his worry about Jisung to any of the members, even Jisung himself. To say that Seungmin constantly worried about Jisung, was the least of it. Seungmin always opened the doors to every room in the dorm before sleeping, to always find Jisung missing. Occasionally, when he wakes up to use the toilet, he will spot Jisung sleeping on his bed, but missing when he goes to sleep and wakes up again. He worried, but he never knew how to express it. He wished he actually did something to prevent Jisung from getting to this state. But that was the past, now he just needs to take care of the future.

Felix noticed. He noticed that Jisung slept a lot when they were out for their schedules. If he looked at the rubber mats with someone laying on it asleep, there would be a hundred percent chance that it would be Jisung. Felix always just sat nearby and watched Jisung sleep, unsure of whether he should lay down beside him. But whenever Jisung woke up from his nap, Felix would scramble for his phone and pretend that he hadn’t been watching Jisung the entire time. After this, he would never hesitate ever again.

Hyunjin regretted never saying a word whenever Jisung was scolded for someone the entire maknae line did. He knew he was a distinct 5 months older than Jisung, and he knew that by itself didn’t have quite the significance. But Jisung was scolded for someone the maknae line did, the maknae line wasn’t scolded, Jisung was. Hyunjin was unsure of when the group responsibility was thrown solely onto Jisung’s back to carry, but he regretted never been able to initiate an offer to share the burden.

Changbin knew what he did and what he didn’t, with a very clear line drawn in between. All his care, concern, worry, and love was directed to the entire maknae line excluding Jisung. He would even sometimes direct that to the other two from the hyung line, but never to Jisung. When it came to Jisung, Changbin always saw some sort of independence in him and never felt the burning urge to express his love for him. Sure, deep down Changbin does care about Jisung, he just didn’t showcase it. He regretted everything. From not being able to notice Jisung being unwell, to being helpless in this situation, with only one choice being to wait.

Minho had a scene replaying in his mind. The memory of the hyung line reprimanding Jisung for almost hurting Hyunjin in that one Hellevator dance practice of theirs. All three of them stood there scolding Jisung while he shifted his vision to the floor and apologized. The maknae line hadn’t shifted their attention away from Hyunjin and were still worrying about him. No one at that point of time stopped to worry about Jisung, or at least if they did, they didn’t show it. Minho remembered seeing Jisung awkwardly touching his shoulder at their dorm before leaving for the company to practice before the other members went. Minho saw it, but he didn’t make the effort to find out what was wrong. He hated that this was the way they had to find out.

Guilt was all Chan had as he silently looked at Jisung’s chest slowly rise and fall. He hadn’t look away ever since he entered the room, afraid that it would somehow become still and ceased to move again. Chan couldn’t recall how long ago was the last time he had openly cared about Jisung. Sure, he may have cared for him internally, but that would provide absolutely no comfort to Jisung considering he didn’t know. Now, there was nothing he could do to rewind time and redo the things he wished he had done. He wished he could provide Jisung the comfort that he provided the rest. He wished he could openly worry about Jisung and have Jisung knows that he cares. He wished he gave even the slightest bit of comfort to Jisung, through a hug. Now, he’ll make sure his wishes come true. He just had to wait for him to wake up.

.. / .- -- / .- ..-. .-. .- .. -.. --..-- / .... . .-.. .--. / -- .

Jisung walked to where he thought was straight down the silent abyss. The unfamiliar warmth accompanying him on his journey. He knew that he would gain consciousness when he walked for a bit. He would even if he stood still but it didn’t hurt him to just move around in the empty space of nothingness. This time it didn’t feel as cold and lonely as it usual was, he wished that it could be like this in real life, not just in the state of unconsciousness.

The darkness faded and Jisung opened his eyes tiredly, eyes meeting an unfamiliar ceiling. All of a sudden, a muffled sniffle broke out and Jisung’s eyes met those of Chan’s. Jisung was extremely confused at this point, being in an unfamiliar room and their leader’s tears flowing out at the sight of him. Jisung could hear clothes moving and shoes shuffling around. Soon, there were 7 heads looking back at him where he laid.

“W-Where is this?” Jisung nervously asked, the unfamiliar environment freaking him out slightly.

“Don’t move so much. We’re in the hospital.” Minho squeezed his hand, calming his nerves.

Jisung was confused but he had an idea of what happened. He scanned the faces to find Hyunjin’s worried eyes staring back at his. Jisung knew how Hyunjin would be feeling right about now, the immense amount of empathy he held in his body helping him. Considering the fact that Jisung last saw Hyunjin’s face and woke up in the hospital, he had a grasp of what might have happened. Jisung smiled like how he usually would at Hyunjin.

“Sorry you had to feel that…that feeling is going to be hard to forget…” Jisung sighed amidst his smile.

Hyunjin opened his mouth to say something but all he could do was break out into sobs, turning back to hug Felix and hide his face in Felix’s neck. The other members all looked in different directions and Jisung could hear their sniffles. Jisung closed his eyes, regretting not taking better care of himself to save his members from feeling like this.

“It’s not your f-fault, hyung. It’s ours. We never made the effort to check up on you and keep an eye on you. So…don’t blame yourself.” Jeongin pulled back his tears and hugged Jisung’s arm that he was holding the entire time.

“No…it’s m-my fault…they said it was due to o-overworking…and that your s-stress levels are over the top…I’ve been chasing y-you for the songs and lyrics…and I was so fixated on p-producing that I never took care of you…no…I e-even took care of C-Changbin…but all I did was w-worry about you inside…but I never s-stopped to see if you were a-actually fine…I’m sorry…Jisung…I’m really sorry…”

Chan hid his face in his shirt, not wanting his members to see his tears freefall any further. Chan regretted so much, everyone could literally feel it. Jisung tapped Minho’s hand, grabbing his attention. Minho got the message immediately and helped Jisung up with Jeongin’s help. Jeongin released his hold on Jisung’s hand, the absence of it hurting him slightly. Jisung walked over to Chan slowly with Minho and Changbin’s help, them only releasing their hold when Jisung dived forward to hug Chan.

Chan’s shirt fell from his face and his eyes met Jisung’s. He knew at that moment, Jisung loved them so much to the point he didn’t want to see them cry because of something that happened to him. Chan wrapped his arms around Jisung and embraced him like he was afraid of losing him, which he was. Jisung could tell how afraid Chan was of losing him, he could feel it.

Jisung then realized, this was the warmth he felt in the midst of the darkness when he was unconscious. It was actually real. His wish came true. After his realization, he finally broke down on Chan, the leader quickly wiping his own tears and comforting Jisung.

This was the feeling Jisung yearned for, and he finally got it.

.. / .- -- / -. --- - / .- .-.. --- -. .

Jisung could now feel the difference.

Chan would now hug him out of nowhere and bring him out to eat together with him. Chan’s guilt never faded, and he reminded himself of that day, not wanting to forget his mistake.

Minho would now keep an eye on him when they were practicing and would call it a day when he felt they were getting too worn out. He would even care and worry equally if anyone got hurt.

Changbin would now hold deep conversations with Jisung when they were in their dorm and share their feelings and experiences with each other. He made sure Jisung knew he actually cared deeply for him.

Hyunjin would now openly declare himself as the leader of the maknae line and come at him if anyone had an issue with them. The sensation in his hand never left him, constantly reminding him of the fear he felt that day.

Felix would now lay down beside Jisung whenever he was napping on the rubber mats, even offering to let Jisung cuddle him as he napped. Nothing was more calming than feeling his sunshine twin breathe in his arms.

Seungmin would now call Jisung when he didn’t find him in his room at late hours of the night and ask him to come home or he wouldn’t sleep. He even made the extra effort to check every hour to make sure Jisung stayed asleep on his bed.

Jeongin would now sleep only when Jisung had went on his own bed to sleep. Sometimes, he would even walk over and join Jisung on his bed to sleep with him. The presence of his roommate hyung giving him all the love and comfort he wanted, and he was going to return it too.

Jisung didn’t recover from his feeling of emptiness straight away, but he wasn’t alone this time. With the warmth from the members, he wasn’t scared.

And with this, they had successfully broken the loop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Authornim : Well i finally finished it. Was worried about not writing it up to the standard of both my readers and myself. And well, i played with morse code for a bit so you guys can have fun reading that. OR you could put it through a morse code translator. So sorry i took this long but hope you enjoyed it. This two-shot as i call it, i don't know the official naming of two-chaptered fics. Haha, see ya'll in my other fics. Goodbye <3

**Author's Note:**

> Author-nim : Sorry this took way longer than i thought and i'm not even done with it yet. I'm gonna write maybe one more chapter for this.
> 
> [Edit]   
> Author-nim : I've posted this for a few minutes and i already found a mistake *screams*


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